Do you ever feel as though you are constantly attracting another look a-like of your ex?

I have found that after dating guys for over a very tiring decade, that all my ex’s look somewhat similar… like a 2.0 version of the last one.

Has this happened to you? or know someone who has or still does this? cute but frustrating right?!

After a while, it becomes more frustrating and the thoughts of “what’s wrong with me?” start to creep in.

Well lovely, no you’re not going crazy! Research completed by mindbodygreen, has shown that there’s actually a deeper meaning behind it: it’s actually because we deserve it. And what we think we deserve is usually rooted in what we experienced or witnessed in our early childhood development.

What is meant by that, is think of when you were young, between the ages of 0-7 the imprinting stage, where we and our brains are like sponges absorbing everything around us and accepting much of it as true, especially when it comes to our parents.

The critical thing here is to learn a sense of right and wrong, good and bad.

This is a human construction which we nevertheless often assume would exist even if we were not here, and according to changingminds.org is an indication of how deeply imprinted it has become as well as our interactions with the world and the people we are close to.

Knowing this bit of information, think back to the relationships you were exposed to when you were young; your parent’s relationship, how your mum interacted with her friends, how your dad spoke to the local grocer etc.

I looked back on my parent’s relationship, they were happy and easy going, yes, they struggled with financially but mine and my sister’s childhood was fun, and we could just be kids. So, one would assume that I was attracting partners who were just that; fun and outgoing.

Really, it was the total opposite, I wasn’t attracting partners anywhere near like that.

The reason came to light when I really looked at all of their characteristics and traits, but most importantly what my interpretation of what a relationship was supposed to be.

It wasn’t until I really looked at what I was really ‘needing’ from these relationships…it was light BANG! LIGHTENING! I discovered there was another layer that I hadn’t healed yet, let alone knew about it until now.

Taking deep breathes from my realisation, I gathered my composure and began my healing journey.

From my healing journey, I unveiled where my ‘neediness’ in a partner came from.

It came from when I was a baby/ infant I was taken from my biological mother; I’m adopted from South Korea.

Meaning, I missed the bond with my mother, as well as not connecting with my biological dad as he left my mother when I was growing in her womb (well that’s the story I have been told).

I have an amazing adoptive family and have grown up with nothing but love and support and kindness, but what I was struggling with was my sense of rejection and identity.

I struggled between feelings because I knew I belonged to my family, but I looked different. I knew I was part of a community and a school and had a few friends, but I looked so different to them and that’s the story I was living- who am I?

I was surrounded with love but I still in my heart longed to know my biological mother’s love. I questioned why my biological dad left my mum… was it because of me? Was it because he didn’t want a baby? All these questions played out in my mind and of course lead me to attracting partners who would give me what I needed not what I wanted.

Looking back, I was attracting partners who made me ‘feel safe’. Someone who loved me for me because I didn’t know who me was and truthfully, I didn’t how to love myself.

I was attracting partners who made me realise that I was coming into each relationship ‘needing’ something, have you done that, and months even years down the track you know they’re not the right person for you but in some odd way it feels like they are filling some sort of emotional void? I’ve been there too…but my lovely can you see your underlying patterns?

Are you ready to put an end to this rut of attracting your ex-boyfriend look a-likes?

Give me a “Ooohhh yeahhhh!”

Let’s do this!

Here are my 3 exact steps on how I got out of attracting my ex-boyfriend look a-like rut.

Action:

1) Recognise your patterns

Before any true change can happen, you need to recognise your intimacy blocks- yes, those patterns that you keep repeating in your relationships.

These often stem from your early childhood and are based on either the relationship you had with one of your parents or the relationship that your parents modelled for you. E.g. if you dad was emotionally unavailable to you, this could make you hard-wired to seek an emotionally unavailable man.

Why? Because you’re subconsciously hoping to get what you didn’t get as a child out of the relationship in your adulthood.

So, we go back to the same type of guy or the same relationship model trying to re-enact our past to fix it, but it never happens.

2) Own it

That’s it, babe! Own the fact that it’s you who is attracting and bringing this type of partner into your life.

Remember “life is happening FOR you, not TO you” – Tony Robbins.

Meaning that every partner that has come into your life for a reason.

A reason for you to realise what you need to heal within and uncover what you are truly wanting not ‘needing’ in a partner… can you see and feel the difference between ‘needing’ and ‘wanting’… powerful right?

So, I encourage you to really own it, because when we are consciously aware of our patterns and take full responsibility by owning it, it’s then and there patterns can be changed, and make the decision to start a healing journey and uncover what is needed to be healed to move forward.

3) Decide what you want!

Many women know what they don’t want in their next partner, but do you really know what you want in a partner?

Not just the charisma, the feeling you get when you see them. The truth in your heart of what you want in your partner.

It might seem that being too specific can cut out ‘potentials’ but what you are actually doing is owning what you really want, and that’s truly powerful.

So, babe remember…when you speak from your truth, you start to attract the same type of people. When you live from your truth, it shows and that in itself beautiful as well as you’ll start to attract your ideal partner.

One POWERFUL step that you can do today is to write out your ideal partner, what they look like, what their personality is, what type of connection you have, their vibe, how they are with friends, family… everything to intimacy.

Then once you’ve got your ideal partner written down on paper, it’s now your turn to self-reflect on are you on that same level as your ideal partner… if you aren’t, then they are insights in areas of where you need to start on.

Feeling a little overwhelmed by the thought? I’ve been there too babe…

The best news for you is….

For a limited time, I am offering 30min 1-on-1 ‘Clarity Session' for FREE

Click here to book:

https://calendly.com/hannahpeberdy/30min_clarity_session

With love Hannah

xx

PS. Remember babe, you’re soooo worth it!