Beautiful Queen,

Often, I speak to women who are doing anything to avoid feeling pain and hurt.

That’s why a lot of people drink, smoke, eat, exercise, meditate etc.

They all change the state of mind.

Think about it, people who smoke cigarettes know that smoking is bad for them, but the motion of covering their mouth so they don't speak their emotions, the smell the inhaling and exhaling of the smoke makes them think they are relaxed.

Obviously, there is the healthy way and the not so healthy way to change the state of mind, it's all about the balance. It’s when it becomes a habit or excessive is when it becomes unhealthy.

I was one who took mine to excess.

I drank alcohol excessively, so I wouldn’t have to ‘deal’ with my emotions. I could numb the feeling with alcohol and briefly forget about them. And smoked cigarettes to feel a sense of 'calm'. Yet these are 2 major health killers.

Did you know...

No matter how much you try and change your state of mind through external use, it doesn’t last.

It's only until we acknowledge the emotions to discover where the emotion is coming from. And then deal with the root of the emotion. If we keep suppressing it, that emotion will always be there.

Because we have to acknowledge the root cause of the emotion and give ourselves permission to start to heal ourselves in a healthy manner.

Many women have found that self-nurture is one of the best practices that allow them to heal the pain and hurt that bring a sense of forward momentum.

So…

If you want to show yourself the love and respect you deserve so you can start to heal in a forward momentum- self-nurture is a powerful start.

Over the years that I have been practicing self-nurture, I have discovered 5 ways that are simple and powerful.

Below are my top 5 self-nurturing ways.

1. Make the decision to let it go

Let's be real.

You have the choice to either hold on to the pain or live a future life without it.

You know that things don’t always disappear on their own.

You need to make the conscious decision to stop reliving the past pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head.

Because, if you don’t make this conscious decision, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this past hurt.

When you accept your choice to commit in giving yourself permission to ‘let it go’, you allow yourself to finally release the need to hold on to the pain and start healing.

2. Express your pain — and your responsibility

It’s totally ok to express the pain the hurt made you feel.

So, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system (like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter to the other person that you NEVER send)

Whatever you decide, get it all out of your system at once! By doing so, it will also help you understand specifically what your hurt is about.

John M. Grohol points out that, “while you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for”.

When you take responsibility for your part it enables you to move forward from pain.

John M. Grohol mentions that a way to do this is to for us to ask ourselves questions such as:

· What could you do differently next time?

· Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim?

· Will you let your pain become your identity? Or are you someone deeper and more complex than that??

(John M. Grohol, Psy.D)

3. Stop being the victim and blaming others

I totally get that being the victim feels good – But let’s be real, after a while it stops feeling good and the true colours of playing ‘victim’ come to light and it is by far from anything good.

You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person.

Why would you let the person, a situation that has hurt you — in the past — have such power over you current life?

So, you have a choice- to continue to feel bad about another person’s actions, or to start feeling good.

Reminder- You’re in control of your life and you mind, as well as your actions and how you respond to things – so why choose to engage in so much thought and give so much of your energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?

I say, It’s time to straighten your crown Queen and take back your power!

4. Focus on the present — the here and now — and joy.

When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past.

It’s a given, that at times past memories will pop up/ be triggered.

The best way I have found to heal them is to acknowledge them for a moment, I usually say:

“Oh hello there____ (whatever the memory/trigger is) thanks for popping up, what am I to learn/ what is it that I am ready to let go of?”

Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying to yourself:

“It’s alright. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my own happiness and doing _______________.”

Remember, if we crowd our brains and lives with hurt feelings, there’s little room for anything positive It’s a choice you’re making to continue to feel the hurt, rather than welcoming joy back into your life. ( John M. Grohol, Psy.D.)

5. Forgive them — and yourself.

Sometimes like everyone you can get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness that you can’t even imagine forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”

It’s a way of tangibly letting something go, as well as, a way of empathising with the other person and trying to see things from their point of view.

Forgiveness isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s simply saying, "I'm ready to leave what was in the past, I am ready to move forward in my life and welcome joy back into it. I am ready to let this go.”

And most of all, forgiving yourself is an important part of this step as well, we may have had some part to play in the hurt, so it’s important that you forgive yourself because there’s no reason you need to keep beating yourself up over it.

If you can’t forgive yourself, how will you be able to live in future peace and happiness?

P.S I know this stuff may seem really hard and incredibly hard to let go of the pain – I’ve too struggled with this myself, especially if we’ve held onto it for a long time, it feels like an old friend.

But nobody’s life should be defined by their pain. It’s not healthy, it impacts our lives in many ways, “it adds to our stress, it hurts our ability to focus, and it impacts every other relationship we have (even the ones not directly affected by the hurt)” John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

So, Queen, ready to let go of the pain and welcome happiness back into your life?

For a limited time, I am offering a FREE 30min 1-on-1 'Emotional Clarity' Session, Where I'll help you identify what's preventing you from moving forward and give you tools that you can use straight away, so you can finally heal and move forward fast.

YES! Book my FREE SESSION: https://calendly.com/hannahpeberdy/30min_clarity_session